Tuesday, August 19, 2014
First - OWWWWWWW!!!!!
Second ...okay bees don't bite. I heard the buzz near me ...didn't see anything ...and then YIKES! PAIN! Usually bee stings leave a welt but I don't recall seeing blood in the center. I'd show you a picture ...b-u-t ...
I think it flew up my loose sun dress as I was standing with my hands in the pool. Sometimes bees build nests under the rim. I wouldn't know this year because we've hardly used the pool due to the fall weather and COLD water. But lately I've been waiting to turn the filter on so that the water heats up in the tank. Hope springs eternal that we will still get at least ONE week of daily swimming in before closing the pool this year. Yesterday I told Mr SeaSpray that he might actually get his wish to close the pool on Labor Day. I always resist closing it so early even though I know many people do like to close it on that weekend. Then today I told him that even if we can get one week of swimming before we close it I will look at it as a vacation and so I don't want to give up just yet. Anyway, one of the hoses sprung a leak yesterday and so I was waiting for the hot water to empty out of the filter so that I could turn it off again. I can't run the filter long because water shoots out of the leak. Mr SeaSpray will be fixing that when he gets home later.
But I digress.
I felt the sting as leaned over to turn the filter switch off.
On the upside ...if it was from a bat bite ...I'm good for two years thanks to the recent boosers.
Egads ..the whole area hurts now. This is not a good area to be stung in. It's the biggest welt I've ever seen. Damn bee. And now ...it's time to get the ice. Guess I should've done that immediately. Now the welt is the size of a half dollar. No ...you definitely don't want to be stung in this location of the body. Oh and I might as well add some ice to a nice tall glass of sun tea ...then find an Adirondack chair in the sun.
Monday, August 18, 2014
I do pray and have asked God for direction ...but again ...I shall do the things I said below and then do some serious praying ...and then ...listening.
I think I've demonstrated over these last 8 or so years that if there is an opportunity for me to avoid surgery ...I am gonna seize it. Not this time tho ..well it's not my mindset anyway. I am so very frustrated with a capital "F" and I don't know what to think. I'm also stuck and in limbo ..sort of and I definitely do NOT know what to do. ???? And the one thing I could do to help myself ...I have not done long term with any consistency so that it would have it's positive effects. Actually I went backwards and so even though I am back to my best success ...I've squandered so much time. Anyway this latest confusion/uncertainty comes after having my physical last week. My PCP has given me a mixed message. Basically what he pushed for when I saw him in the spring nor he is pushing for something else that I have to say I-am-not-on-board-with-it-in-any-way-shape-form-or-whatever. No way - no how ..uh uh ...NOT gonna happen ...says me. But ...then here I am. And while he made some valid points and I do understand ...although some would say apparently say not enough since I am non compliant. But then to that I say ...I know my body and it just is not the right thing for me if I don't even have the mindset or green light in my spirit for it and everything in me screams, "NO!" I do admit he had one suggestion that I was somewhat open to ...he did have a good point. What would be the harm in investigating in person? It doesn't mean I would agree ...but I c-o-u-l-d just investigate for myself. Still ...I don't see it. And I can and did present counterpoints. Of course then he pulls out the trump card and while he unnerved me ...he cares. He definitely is not one of those doctors that just rush you in and out again and whatever the patient does ...the patient does. NEXT!
Anyway ...this past spring he was pushing me toward the surgery ...even challenging what another doctor said who cautioned me against it until I did some other things. But now he seems to be pushing me to something else. At one point I couldn't hold back a grin and I said, "If your not tenacious - your nothing.", and he did give me a slight grin as he continued pressing me on it. I respect him and know he does have my best interest at heart. I have been perplexed over this ever since. Darned me anyway! I've just had it with so many things and just want to go forward ...but then ...now I am wondering all over again.
So ...I am going to set up a consult appointment with the operating surgeon for September. And I am going to have to go back to PCP to discuss this further. And from these keystrokes to God's eyes ...I HAVE to do what I HAVE to do!!!! I definitely need God's direction and help. Stop pussyfooting around SeaSpray! Just stop it!
Do you ever wish God would just drop a big sign out of the sky? With directions ...maybe even choices ..go this route vs that route - you choose your consequences. I mean if I knew GOD said to do something ...I'd be on board with it for sure. Just saying.
Why is it that sometimes we humans don't do the things we know we should and then do the things we should not? And why are some people so much better at attaining their goals?
My life has been on hold like you can't believe. I suppose a therapist might tell me that my subconscious gains to maintain the current status quo are greater than breaking past them and moving forward. Maybe at one time but I don't believe that is the case now. I have plans - some good ones.
Okay so what is it then? I would tell anyone else to do whatever they have to do to get to where they want to be and don't let life just pass them by. Stop living passively. Make things happen. Make a list. Pros and cons. What is in your way ...what is stopping you from achieving your goals? What do you have to do to remove that wall or hurdle. What is the outcome if you succeed? What if you do nothing? Okay ...enough whining. :)
I am happy to say that all lab results were good. A-1c, lipids, etc., all good.
I guess I am making some lists tonight. And writing out some plans for how to achieve my immediate goals. Life isn't black and white but I do find that writing things down does help me to focus better versus seeing my life through an abstract prism in which my thoughts never really land long enough to take root. Writing ...for me ...makes everything more concrete, giving me a better perspective ...as well the venting being cathartic.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Anyway ...it all became a moot point once I caught sight of the pretty plaid shoes pictured above. I just LOVE them! I love the plaid fabric. I love the bow and that the trim is patent leather. I love the design. I love, love, LOVE these shoes! And I am seeing pretty red lipstick ..or pink (depends), a black pocketbook - maybe with patent leather trim, black - maybe red leather gloves, silver jewelery (or not), black stockings (or not), and so on. :)
Well ...I could just slide right into them ...and then what a fashion plate I'd be on the orthopedic wing. Just saying. ;)
Saturday, August 9, 2014
This did NOT make my day. Ugh! *SHUDDER* It was HUGE! HUGE I tell you!
I casually opened the curtains and then the sliding door ...just like I do most mornings when we have warm weather. SCREAM! I did ...SCREAM (just once), when I almost TOUCHED this spider as I was about to grab for the screen door handle. I have never ...in my entire life been this close to a spider this GINORMOUS and he was on the INSIDE!!! I've never ...in my entire life seen a spider this big ...anywhere . I would've measured it ...if I wasn't afraid it would jump at me. I'd be out cold!
Ha! Forget anesthesia in the OR - just dangle, then drop a big scary, hairy, muscular, spider down onto my chest. "We're sorry SeaSpray ...but due to hospital budgetary concerns we've replaced the usual anesthesia medications with something more cost effective. We now use BTN, also also known as Back-To-Nature anesthesia. LOOK u-u-p now. " ;) Oh I am so setting myself up for a nightmare tonight. This definitely is not the post to write before bed.
Gosh it scares me just looking at that spider even now.
What kind of spider is this? Where did it come from? And is it a female? Did she lay eggs? Inside?
I ask these questions because this week daddy long legs(DLL) spiders are popping up everywhere in the house and I am wondering if one of those laid eggs inside. Fortunately ...that is the only spider that doesn't totally freak me out. Sometimes I can even pick them up by the leg and put them outside if I don't have to hold it for too long. It's not easy ...but I do try. Other times I apologize for killing it. I am near phobic about spiders. I don't even like the word arachnid. Just saying.
Anyway these DLLs have walked across the sofa, walked up kitchen window when I opened it and even walked out of my curler bag I left in the bathroom. I've encountered at lest five of those spiders in the house this week. Son said they probably just walked inside except I haven't noticed any spider parades going on. What if there is a family and they have relatives and friends?
After Googling, I learned that daddy long legs can't hurt humans and some people let them stay inside because they eat insects. I'm not on board with that though.
And regarding the scary spider pictured above ...thankfully younger son was here and removed it for me. Otherwise I would've just slammed the sliding door shut, waiting for someone to come along and rescue me. It would've been creepy though ...waiting ..knowing it was there.
Sunday, August 3, 2014
Sometimes you just have to laugh. :) A week ago this past Thursday night I decided to make a nice ...great for summer dessert for the orthopedic office I go to. So this dessert was just a little thank you to the doctor and staff. In my perfect world I would've brought it in at my last appointment but I don't get things done as easily as I used to although thankfully that will change soon. Anyway ...I made the main part earlier in the evening and then all I had to do was make up the (from scratch) chocolate icing. It has to sit overnight in the refrigerator. I had already gotten the ingredients out and so at 1;30 in the morning I just had to heat the butter and milk, followed by blending in the other ingredient ..after which I pour the thin icing all over the top. I double the recipe so it is a bit thicker and looks smoother over the Graham crackers on top. And is why it spills over a bit onto the foil. I prefer using the Longaberger dishes. Then VOILA! And it serves a lot of people even though it is only in a 9x13 pan. It is surprisingly heavy ...I guess because of the creamy filled layers.
Pleased with the results ...I then began to clean up.
However... to my my utter DISMAY, I saw that the wire whisk had snapped in the mixing. I don't know why I did this but when I got the electric mixer out, I decided to use these flimsy little whisk attachments that I now know are for eggs and other light things and not for mixing powdered sugar. *SIGH!* I've never used these and ALWAYS use the regular heavy steel attachments.
So then I began to obsess a bit because I R-E-A-L-L-Y wanted to bring that dessert in the next day and I R-E-A-L-L-Y did not want to have to make it again. Plus I didn't have all the ingredients anyway. So I stared at the broken whisk attachment as if doing so would somehow make it alright.
You see my concern was that possibly a tiny shaving of metal or more could've gone into the icing and maybe even into the filling. I mean God forbid someone should get a lacerated colon because of some dessert I brought in. But I wasn't ready to give up yet. I tried to match the to broken ends up with a bright light behind it to see if they fit together perfectly. I thought they did ..well mostly. I wasn't 100% sure but they seemed to fit perfectly. *SIGH!*
So then I stared at the cake top more. I contemplated removing the top layer off since the graham crackers were still firm. I did have the ingredients for the top of the dessert. But then how would I know if a tiny sliver went into the filling? Then I looked at the stupid, flimsy wire whisk again as if staring would make it all okay again. Total denial I tell you.
But in the end ...I am a confessed perfectionist with a capital "P" when it comes to food prep of any kind and of course I could not in good conscience give it to anyone. "Oh FINE!" I'm not bringing it to them!"
However, I still put it in the fridge. I was thinking that m-a-y-b-e I would just take the top layer for us and it's not likely anything fell in. Yeah that's it ...I'll sacrifice a family member or myself all for some homemade dessert. Well ...we and the people I've made it for, really do like it ...a lot. :)
But then the next day I told a friend what I was considering and she asked how I know a piece of metal didn't drop down into it. And again I sighed and said I know she is right.
And truthfully ...I am the queen of the "What ifs?", and so I know I really wouldn't have given it to anyone. I just was having a hard time letting go. :)
So this past Thursday, I again made the same dessert for the office. I just added some powdered sugar in the center, topped with cherry filling. But I still had a little snafu. I had bought fresh raspberries for the top. It's not in the recipe but I think fruit is a nice addition. (I'm thinking of adding fruit inside when I make it again.) But they disintegrated into a syrup. Perfectly sweet tasting raspberries from Costco but they were all just seemingly melting down. Now I realize they were doing it in the store which explains the syrupy mess on all the packages. (I will complain and get my money back this week.) And so I couldn't use them.
I packed the tray into a basket and then with ice I packed it into a soft cooler carrier.
And then because I didn't want the dessert to slant to one side of the tray in the car ...I placed something against the seat do that the cooler would stay even. That was a mistake. *Sigh.* It was a mistake because when I stopped short at a light in the town just before their practice ...the dessert flew forward, heading down to the floor, but I did manage to save it. However ...there now seemed to be a bulge in the front that wasn't there previously. I kept trying to feel for whether or not the dessert was now out of the tray and mushed against the liner. I couldn't believe it and wondered if maybe I wasn't supposed to bring a dessert in.
But I decided to walk it in anyway. As I rounded the walkway, I was glad to see their doors were all open to the outside since the dessert is heavy and I wouldn't have to juggle and already compromised dessert. But I became alarmed when I thought I smelled
The receptionist on the phone waved me in to the check out side. I didn't mention the Cat urine smell and secretly hoped I was mistaken because I didn't smell it now. I was glad she was on the phone so that I could open it first. No worries. No cat urine smell. And the dessert was only a little bit smushed on one end. Indeed the basket and my stopping it from hitting the floor saved the day. The bulge on the front of the cooler was the paper plates that had lifted out of the basket that I had included with the desert. She thanked me and happily carried it too their refrigerator. Mission ...FINALLY accomplished!
And then there was the cat urine smell again ...right when I walked out of the office doors. Some cat must've marked it's territory. I told Mr SeaSpray and he said that some shrubs have that odor but I've never noticed it there before.
Ha ha! I can honestly say that I have never put so much frustrating effort into getting a dessert to someone. I mean I've mildly burnt some batches of cookies and brownies, burned myself, cut myself when just finishing a fruit salad, unknowingly used old baking soda that produced a flat dessert and I had to start over and I'm sure there's more ...but none of it was as stressful.
Now I think it's funny though.
Also ...since I stopped working ...I do enjoy baking/making things for people. It's downright joyful! And I used to only do it for my former private doctor and also my urologist. Actually, I've done the most for him and his staff because he has done the most for me. Any of you that are familiar with my blog know what I'm talking about. I went through a lot and he helped me, went the extra mile many times and anything I did couldn't possibly compare with the help I received. And now it seems I am healed! :)
Ha! But if I ever do get back to work ...life on a treadmill lifestyle ...then it will be back to Costco cookies for a thank you. They do have quality desserts tho, especially at Christmas. :)
Anyway ...I guess this time ...the smell of CAT URINE was the icing on the cake ...in the stress department that is. ;)
I know some people don't like fruit fillings but I do wonder how an entire layer of fruit right in the middle layer of filling would taste. Why not? Chocolate covered raspberries and strawberries taste good. My favorite desserts involve fruit, cakes and creamy fillings. :)
Wednesday, July 30, 2014
I can't believe this happened to me ...AGAIN! ...is what I said that Sunday night. So what happened? It began storming on that bat bite night and I wanted to go out to get the tubes out of the pool and also look for a hammer that I thought was left on the pool deck. It was very breezy ...in a relaxing way ...almost balmy (if not for the thunderstorm:), with big rain drops coming down steadily ...although not in a downpour. It felt good to be out there. Well except for the fact I was praying God would protect me from the LIGHTNING. I was concerned about that.
So I had already had the back patio light and the spot light on for a few minutes and then when I went out I was also carrying a flashlight so I could see on the dark side of the pool. I gathered up a couple of tubes and was then holding the flashlight (on) up in air and about level with my neck. (I never walk with one like that and don't know why then) Wind ...blowing in a strong breeze, rain coming down and I was now under a tree and near the pool with the garden and picnic table on other side when I felt something bite me near the base of the left front side of my neck. It was more then a mosquito bite but less then a bee sting and really hurt in an annoying way. It was weird in that I felt this instant bit of annoyed anger which isn't a feeling I ever experienced with anything else that has bitten or stung me in the past. Maybe because my neck is more sensitive. Not sure. But it was a uniquely annoying experience. I don't recall swatting it the first time - but remember I was distracted by the storm. being outside on rain soaked ground and under a large tree isn't the optimum place to be during a thunderstorm. I was also thinking of people I know of that were struck by lightning. It does happen - God forbid. Anyway ... when it came right at me again ...I knocked it away with my hand the second I began to feel that sensation. At that point I was wondering what kind of insect would feel like that. Admittedly I began obsessing about the possibility of a bat bite as I was headed back inside. I thought about there being a pond maybe 30-40 feet away and we do have bats in the area. I've even seen them swoop over us while swimming in the pool at night. (Actually - I do have a funny story about my concern a bat sprayed in my eye one night while swimming. My neighbor and her daughter love to remind me of it. :) I'm not sure if I wrote about it in here previously.) Anyway ...you would've laughed if you saw me in the bathroom with a 10 x mirror and then finally with a magnifying glass with a light. I couldn't see anything looking in the bathroom mirror. Hence my desire for magnification. Then I saw the 2 symmetrical punctures with the 10x mirror. But the two droplets of blood in the center of each puncture were only discernible with the bright light from the magnifying glass.
I thought if I could take a picture that I could enlarge it to be sure. I kept trying to get a picture and just couldn't get it and then I tried taking a pic through the magnifying glass ...also to no avail.
Then I woke Mr SeaSpray up to look through the glass and he said , "Oh y-e-a-h." NOT what I wanted to hear from the man who usually downplays everything even when I want him to be concerned.
Then finally I just took a bunch of random bat bite pictures in the dark and then cropped and cropped said pictures in the computer until I got the picture you see above this post. Oh and I got a cloth measuring tape and measured under the magnifying glass in mirror. I did this because I was hopeful that I would read something that would indicate this couldn't be a bat bite. Or that someone else familiar with these critters could tell me it wasn't from a bat. It was definitely smaller than the other bat bite I had in 1999. And that bite was just like a bat bite I had seen on another patient that came into the ER for the rabies series.
The difference between back then and recently is that I had what I thought was a bat bite from one residing under a rug that had been on the line all weekend. It was a large dark rug and I never felt a bite and only noticed the 2 punctures when I went inside. I freaked (sort of) that day because I had seen so many patients that summer get the rabies series. And it looked like what one man came in with on his hand. The same space between the fang marks. Well ...he had a puncture and a tear because the bat bit him on way out of a drawer he reached into. And I could see that bite clearly without a magnifying mirror or glass... and for a few days.
Anyway ...I never heard flapping wings or saw anything either time. I can still see that a bat could've flown out of that lg rug and not have known it but surely I would've heard or felt bat wings this time since I was out in the open. But what else could it be??? What kind of a bug flies at night, in a storm and leaves tiny puncture wounds? Although ...I don't know if a bat would sting under varying circumstances. Or maybe that was the pain of the bite in my neck? But then why didn't I feel anything the last time? Although I had whipped the big rug off the line and then walked off to get the mail.
I set all that up for just in case case anyone might know what kind of insect would/could do that. I also began thinking it was a bat because the back lights had already been on, drawing more of them into the yard as they headed for the lights and then there I was with a light close to my neck and what if a bat was flying in for a bug and instead got me ..twice?
I was so BUMMED about this because I did NOT want to go for the rabies series again ...especially if I didn't need it. Especially since I reacted the last time with swelling lasting in my hand and forearm for years. I believe I discussed this more in the previous posts. :)
So on the one hand I was obsessing... but that part of this SeaSpray was fighting against the Queen of Denial SeaSpray. That being said ...I do think that both SeaSprays knew how this was going to end.
Even though I was concerned ...I was more inclined ...okay the denying ...wishful thinking side of me ...wanted to believe it's wasn't a bat bite. But there is always a couple of killjoys in a group ...well not always and they really are fun ...nice people ...but for me this time ...Killjoys with a capital "K".
I consulted with a couple of medical friends ...one of them an ER nurse I had worked with. Predictably (remember I said we knew how this would end?), they basically said that because I couldn't rule out a bat bite and because rabies is always fatal ...that the recommendation would be to get the vaccine. Killjoys I tell you! Also the nurse said it could've been a baby bat.
I was hoping for a flying snake ...flying spider ...or some kind of flying insect. You know the kind that come out in thunderstorms in NJ while the wind is blowing and the rain is pelting down? Maybe something was blown out of the tree? A SeaSpray could only dream. I even googled but my search was futile.
There is a five day window to get the vaccine, although the recommendation is to get it immediately. Of course I waited until late in the afternoon on the last day of opportunity to do so. (See previous post) It turns out I may've screwed myself too because our insurance states one has to been seen in the ER within 72 hours of the incident. I forgot about that and didn't initially see it on my card. But ...GEE ...TWENTY years working in emergency registration ...I should have known better. Like I said ...denial runs strong in me. The insurance rep went on to say that my ER charges will be covered at regular insurance rates. NOT good for ER charges. But ...hope springs eternal and I will throw myself on the mercy of the rep I call if indeed that happens. a can't blame a SeaSpray for trying. :)
I admonish anyone that thinks they may have been bitten by a bat ...even if they aren't certain, to also go to the ER to get the Rabies vaccine. Because just like my two friends in the medical field and the ER PA that also saw me said ...rabies is always fatal. Most bats don't have rabies, but the disease IS fatal.
And that's all I have to say about this debacle. Oh and I am glad that I did follow through with getting treatment. I should've just gone in in the first place.
For anyone interested, previous posts about this are below or you can check my sidebar. :)
Okay ...one LAST thing about this subject. if you and your family discover that a bat has been flying in the house while you were all sleeping, the recommendation is that the entire family get the rabies series. This is because bat's teeth are so small that you might not know if you were bitten in your sleep.
Needless to say I am a stickler about leaving doors and windows wide open ...especially at night when the lights are on. Lights draw bugs ...and bugs draw bats. need I say more?
Monday, July 21, 2014
I opted to have fun vs going to the ED earlier today. I'm not going to hate myself for putting the rabies booster off until now ...Sunday ...late afternoon.
Hope springs eternal ...
Miracles do happen ...
And this SeaSpray shall remain ...optimistic!
Update Monday night: The wait wasn't bad.
I asked the patients sitting outside waiting (not a good sign - but hope was still springing eternal in me.), how the wait was. They said people told them they were there for hours. While I was registering a lady came up to the counter with her son, stating she would return in the morning. (Also not a good sign - I was still hoping tho.:) Of course not long after she left ...nurses came out for patients. I can't tell you how many times I've seen patients do that. Personally if I had an *emergency* ..I would NOT leave ..plus I'd figure time already invested in waiting ...and there is no guarantee it will be better at another time. Maybe likely to better in morning but no guarantee. Plus since it apparently wasn't a major emergency ...couldn't she just see a private doctor which would be cheaper? I am judging and should not.
Well one more thing about that. So many times patients would get annoyed and leave the ER I worked in and state they were going to the one I was in last night. This is after waiting a while in our ER waiting room ...they then decided to drive the half hour over to the busier ER. I guess people feel they have to do something. And ...just like with the lady last night ...often times their turn was up next.
Anyway ...My wait time was an hour and a half or less. I didn't look to see when I arrived. Definitely an hour wait. And I would've been out sooner if the nurse didn't tell me I had to wait to be sure I didn't have an allergic reaction. Last week the PA let me go right away because I didn't have problems with the series years ago. (Only swelling from the Immune Globulin) They gave me the discharge papers and I was in my way.
And I thought about just leaving but I'm the person who is afraid to rip the tags off sofa cushions, etc., because I believe those "Do not remove under penalty of law ", threats. I would feel disrespectful. I was seriously tempted to leave when I saw that ambulance pull in. But then I thought I'd be leaving my discharge papers that I don't care about anyway. It turned out I could have left because I didn't get papers for the 2nd booster.
So now I'm done with that. And I'm bat proof now ...or bat sh*t crazy ...or something like that. ;)
My next and last bat post will go up with the picture of the fang marks on my neck. "I VANT to SUCK your B-L-O-O-D!" Don't mind me ...a bat bite to the neck causes me to think of vampires. :)
Anyway ...I'll add the pic and write about what happened.
It was just so random ...and so stupid. And really ...how can we know if kids are safe outside ...or people that may not realize they may've gotten a bat bite? And most bats don't have rabies. But the disease is up here.
Also, the ER staff will tell you that even though most bats don't carry rabies ...because it is fatal ...the recommendation is to get the rabies series.